Love and Let Love

30Nov08

by samuel davidson

It’s no secret we have similar and dissimilar cultural associations with each other and sometimes when the elements of our individual experiences don’t align, we tend to find a communication or language barrier. However, I cannot help but realize that love is the one unifying cultural language. Everyone can understand it; the one transcendent interpersonal need we all have. The one thing we all desire and the one thing we find so hard to give away.

That is what I want to talk about. I want to encourage you to love and let love. Before I go further, allow me to express my heart Biblically. First, where I’m coming from:

But we don’t need to write to you about the importance of loving each other, for God himself has taught you to love one another. Indeed, you already show your love for all the believers throughout Macedonia [or insert your community here]. Even so, dear brothers and sisters, we urge you to love them even more. – 1 Thessalonians 4:9-10

Second, where I want to go:

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. – Colossians 3:12-14

You see love is like spiritual Elmer’s glue. It bonds all these other great practices we should already be doing. And I’m not talking about romance or infatuation. Those are fleeting emotions we often substitute or mistake for love. They’re important and have their place but that’s not what I want to focus on. I’m reminded how Lauren Hill (musician) once remarked at a concert: “Fantasy is what people want, but reality is what they need.” For this discussion, I intend to give you what you need.

On such thing is that I’ve realized love is much less an emotion and very much an action. In fact, it is an action every Christian, the very people who are supposed to epitomize love, fails to reflect on a regular basis. Not for lack of trying or intention, mind you. Nor is it just Christians. In fact, it’s remarkable how all of humanity will selectively choose to love specific people and exclude others based on one specific and individually unique variable: sunglasses. But I’ll get to that in moment. Let us focus what love is.

LOVE

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Sound familiar? How about this: did you notice most of the definition of love alludes trial or difficulty with those whom you love? Think about “patients” at the top of the list. Who really enjoys being patient with someone? When was the last time you enjoyed having your patients tried? And I find it interesting that “kind” is listed immediately after “patients.” I could go down the entire list explaining how each description implies some sort of negative on the other end. Especially the last bit about enduring everything that might come up. By definition love not only commands 100% selflessness, it demands action.

Jesus himself said that there is no greater love than for a man to lay down his life for another. This doesn’t necessarily mean death (could be) but there are many other ways one can give up their life for another. Consider a single parent who sacrifices potential success to pour into the life of her child. My point here is that for most of us when we talk about love we have no idea how heavy the subject really is; how much discipline and, at times, shear will power is involved to love another person.

In the Bible, Christ made it pretty clear that he comes first and then everyone else. Love the Lord your God first and then love your neighbor (Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:30-31, Luke 10:27). But don’t just love them; love them at minimum as much as you love yourself. With some people this is easy to accommodate and with others, more difficult. It’s easy to love the love and like the likable. It’s something completely different when you find them disagreeable.

What’s funny is one person might find a thing disagreeable while another finds it perfectly acceptable. As I said before: it’s the sunglasses – the lens by which we view the world. It’s our perspective on life and our cultural barrier; the very thing that comes between the way things are and the way we want them to be. To illustrate this, below you’ll find several optical illusions.

The image appears to move, when in reality everything is stationary.

As you stare at the center the purple dots will disappear and replaced by a rotating green dot.

Square A is the exact same color as square B.

The black and blue lines are straight and perpendicular.

The horizontal lines are parallel to each other.

We do not see things the way they are but as we are. – Jewish proverb

Sticking with our fantasy is much easier then facing our reality. We see what we want and believe what we want because it’s convenient to do so. But this is changeable.

Our personal “culture shades” have such a phenomenal influence on our day-to-day perspective. We use them to judge the world around us and, too often, use them as a condemnation tool. We associate and disassociate with people based on how we see them. Someone isn’t how we think they should be therefore who they are or what they are doing is automatically categorized as “bad.” As Christians, we’re notorious for this.

We condemn people for their life style choices. We judge those who are different than us just because they’re different. We even go so far as to assess another Christians spiritual walk, as if were the yard stick to which they should be measured. All of this is because we choose to wear these filters in front of our eyes instead of loving people where they are at without the expectation of changing them or comparing them to how we think they should be. With the shades on there is no room for love.

God’s love to me is inexhaustible, and I must love others from the bedrock of God’s love to me. Growth in grace stops the moment I get huffed. I get huffed because I have a peculiar person to live with. Just think how disagreeable I have been to God! … Neither natural love nor Divine love will remain unless it is cultivated. Love is spontaneous, but it has to be maintained by disciplined. – Oswald Chambers

It’s not easy. It takes work. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action. Indeed, you already show your love for everyone throughout your community but even so, dear brothers and sister, I urge you to love them even more!

In our struggle to love each other, I have an approach that will be old news for some of you and novel for the rest. I want you to take off your sunglasses and accept people as they are, tossing aside how you think they should be. We are all imperfect. We all have our baggage (or carry-on’s, w/e). Christ commanded us to love as he has loved. If man looks at the outward appearance all they’re going to see is baggage (or how well we can disguise it). But the Lord looks at the heart, and to love as Christ loves we must also know the heart of a person. We cannot do this with our shades on.

As humans, we naturally are drawn toward stuff we understand and fear that which we do not understand. Often times we also fear the process of understanding because it forces us to lower our guard and examine not only the unknown, but what we think we already know about ourselves; makes us vulnerable. It’s not easy. But since when love ever easy? (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

If you don’t want to be challenged, you might want to stop reading now … otherwise here is my challenge to you:

LET LOVE

So we’ve talked about love and what love is, but if you’ve made it this far I know you’re squirming just dying to ask, “how do I implement this in my daily life?” How do I let love out of my life and give it to the people around me. Well, like I’ve already mentioned, the first thing you need to do is take off your freak’n sunglasses, accept people as they are, and get to know their heart. Let’s start with something on the easy side. It may require you to step out of your comfort zone, but welcome to Christ.

Suggestion #1: Breach the community barriers

Earnestly think of people you know fairly well that have good ties with individuals within a social network outside of your own: frats / sororities, school clubs, sports teams, bowling league, martial arts class, weight lifting, sailing, hiking, book reading, bar hopping, hookah smoking … whatever suits your fancy. Pray about which one you feel God is leading you toward then make time to hang out with that person (Christian or not) amongst their network of friends. Ask God to use you in meeting the needs of those within this group. And since your own shades are off, learn their culture, lifestyle, and way of doing things. It might be different than what you’re used to and at times shocking, but adaptation and sensitivity is crucial.

When I was with the Jews, I lived like a Jew to bring the jews to Christ. When I was with those who followed the Jewish law, I too lived under that law. Even though I am not subject to the law, I did this so I could bring to Christ those who are under the law. When I am with the Gentiles who do not follow the Jewish law, I too live apart from that law so I can bring them to Christ. But I do not ignore the law of God; I obey the law of Christ. – 1 Corinthians 9:20-21

Do as they do and take part in their community all the while maintaining the laws of Christ. If you do this, go in with the mentality to love those within the community. Don’t try to save or change them. That is not your job. It’s “above your pay grade” so to speak. Just love, respect, and serve their needs and they will see Christ’s love in you.

Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples. – John 13:35

For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love. – Galatians 5:13

Suggestion #2: Safety Circle

Another suggestion that’s perhaps a little more difficult but equally important would be to focus on your current community. A need we all have is to be accepted and on a human level it’s very hard to accept someone we already find disagreeable, even if only partially so. You can begin to by giving them the gift of a clean slate; erase the record of suffering they caused you. Forgive them, reconcile … do whatever it is that you need to do to simply accept them, meet their needs, and begin to know their heart. When you have a history with people, this is much harder. I’m brought back to humility though when I think of “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” or that frequently used verse about the speck in your friends eye and the plank in your own.

Suggestion #3: Ask

My final suggestion, although by no means the end of the list, is very difficult. It will kick any remaining pride and pious out the door. I want you to think of two people. I want the first person to be the person you currently love the most in your life. The second person should be a family member. If first happens to be a family member, awesome. Make the second person a different family member. The next time you’re with those two people I want you to ask one of two questions.

If you’re feeling moderately brave I recommend you ask “How can I be a better [friend, husband, wife, son, daughter, sibling, etc.] to you?”

If you’re feeling particularly courageous I recommend asking this: “How can I love you more?” It’s probably one of the most powerful things you will have ever asked them.

Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable. – C. S. Lewis

Dare to be vulnerable!

Filed under: Biblical Teaching, Life, Love   |  1 Comment