What Makes a Man a “Man” (according to women)

12Oct08

by samuel davidson

About a year ago we began a group that you now know as BadFish.  Its primary function was to revolve around whatever we wanted to discuss.  One of our first multi-week research projects was to discover what it truly means to be a man … according to women (ages 9 to 90).  I have since consolidated our findings into a brief report.  Here is what we found.

First thing to note is that they tended to focus a great deal on the character of a man rather than his physical appearance.  Secondly, manly men were often described using a single word.  Our list is consolidated, so you may find the “multi-word” section to be longer only because it’s harder to group.  Thirdly, while many women have a preconceived idea of what their ideal man would be (or is) there are a few themes that were communicated across the board.

Also, interesting to note, these characteristics can be directly tied to the most significant man in that womans life (father, husband, etc.)  The delivery of the descriptive word would also indicate two things: 1. their level of experience with that descriptor and 2. if they were given or denied that descriptor.  As a general analysis, whenever there was a “no” or a “not” before the descriptor, it was a dead giveaway the woman was drawing from a negative experience.

One Word Descriptors (bold = recurring theme across the board)

1. accepting
2. appreciative
3. caring
4. charitable
5. compassionate
6. considerate
7. dependable
8. faithful
9. flexibility
10. funny
11. generous
12. gentle (of actions and deeds)
13. gentleman
14. gracious
15. happy
16. helpful
17. honest
18. honorable
19. intelligent
20. kind
21. leader
22. loving
23. mature
24. optimistic
25. protect
26. provider
27. respectful
28. responsible
29. righteous
30. selfless
31. sensitive
32. sharing
33. sociable
34. spiritual
35. strong
36. thoughtful

Multi-word Descriptors

1. able to compliment the relationship and brings out the best in others
2. a man appreciates and takes care of what he has
3. a man steps up to challenges
4. a real man allows his woman to dress him
5. be true and be honest even if it’s against himself
6. clean of mind / body
7. follows God’s heart
8. gotta have balls
9. hard worker
10. has to have balance in everything he does
11. hears wife out
12. high moral standards
13. knows their purpose in life
14. know what he wants
15. law abiding
16. love for family
17. make time for family and friends
18. no ego
19. not abusive (action or language)
20. not a womanizer
21. no temper
22. not jealous
23. not lazy
24. not obsessive
25. not possessive
26. not racist
27. not too sensitive
28. one that can cry
29. protects the family
30. provide for family
31. puts family before friends
32. sense of humor
33. shows feelings
34. some ambition
35. someone who assumes, understands, and embraces his responsibilities as far as family, work, purpose, and ethics
36. stands up for himself and loved ones – wife and children – and protects them
37. understanding God’s grace
38. understanding to the needs of his wife
39. understanding your wife
40. value and appreciate what you have
41. willing to fight for what he wants and what he believes in
42. your friend

We found this list rather daunting.  Some of it is super easy while other things seem like lifetime achievements rather than character traits.  Now that we had an idea of what modern women think men should be, we decided to compare that list against Biblical men.  King David would be the obvious choice.  After all he was a man after God’s own heart!  But we selected someone else: Job.

Never heard of the guy / don’t know his story?  Well, if you have your Bible handy turn to the appropriately named book “Job” and take a gander.  His whole tragedy begins by explaining how awesome he is:

1. blameless (Job 1:1)
2. upright (Job 1:1)
3. God fearing (Job 1:1)
4. turned away from evil (Job 1:1)
5. selfless (Job 1:5)
6. humble (Job 1:20-22)
7. integrity (Job 2:3)
8. honest ( the entire book of Job)
9. faithful (the entire book of Job)

Something that struck me a little funny is when God essentially tells  Job “grow a pair” with verses like “gird up your loins like a man…” (Job 40:7a).  Not a far reach from #8 on the multi-word descriptor list.  Now I’m not saying Job is the end-all example of a real man, but considering God himself was really happy with Jobs character, I would say its a fair starting point.

Very interesting to see how the 3 lists compare.  Some of the bold items aren’t even in jobs list, and some on jobs list aren’t in bold … but others are identical.  We can’t decide which is easier to live by, but since when was character develpment ever easy?

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• A Gentleman’s Rulebook: How to Become Our Mr. Right
• No Title
• The lie of the gender wage gap
• Women’s Foundation Is Out to Get the Guys

Filed under: Life, Observations   |  1 Comment
Tags: bible, job, manly men, what is a man